So I decided to go boarding in the beautiful oceans of Hawaii. I mean after all, this is gorgeous! The water is bathtub warm, the sun was shining and the weather was a balmy wonderful 85 degrees.
I took my rented for a dollar an hour, yellow body board and with courage and determination went into the surf. Others were all around me on boards too. They stood up on them, they rode the waves, they tumbled on purpose and started over. What’s the big deal huh? I can do this.
Placing the board before me, I attempted to climb on but slid off like I was rubbed down with oil and soap. I looked around me to learn. They get on the board and paddle their hands, no biggie, right? Wrong! I kept falling off the stupid slick thing into the glorious aqua waters.
I drank some salt water, but hey, intrepid me could not give up. I put the board before me to climb the wave and lo and behold the wave turned and the board clapped me right in my protruding schnoz. Yep, I got hit in the nose. I saw stars for a few seconds but decided that if those people could do it, so can I.
I played in the water for another fifteen minutes battling the foamy brine until my upper arms and neck felt like burning steel. Deciding to get back to shore, I dragged my yellow board which by the way was tied to my wrist, blasted thing I could not even lose it.
As I sat out on the beach under the shade, I looked around me realizing that those little bastards, (they were all little children under twelve) must have some secret to their lithe acrobatics. Though it seems easy, trust me when I tell you, I got the beating of my life in those beautiful waters. I think I will leave the surfing and boarding for the little ones. They seem to have a good handle on things.
As for my poor nose, I had a hard time breathing for two nights and I looked like someone’s nightmare in the mornings, all puffy and eyes closed. I am recovering and not likely to get out there with a board any time soon.