Real strength is in God and in godly attributes like quietness, trust and joy (Nehemiah 8:10).
Do not allow anyone to rob you of your joy. The quietness of your spirit is not from without, it is from within. When the time comes and you experience restless disquiet, where your very soul is torn, move on.
Every woman in an abusive situation will attest that she tried and tried but failed in the end to stop him. You cannot stop him but you can leave him. When you try (which is normal) for a while but then even your peace of mind is robbed from you, it is time to leave.
Do not look back! Do not regret or feel awkward and guilty. Quietness, trust and joy must come from within, from your very insides. If your life with him stops that and dries it out, there is no curing him, you need to move on with your own life.
Yes, you need to take charge of your own life and do something different to regain your lost self. When you become someone you do not recognize, when you become a person you do not like even, it is time to leave. Leave without a look behind. It is devastating to them that you could leave but it will strengthen and fill you with hope.
Do not let him trample over you because you made a promise to love and to hold from this day forward. It also says that he needs to love you like Christ loved His church and died for her. So, get over the guilt trip, get over the dogma and change your life staying still in the grace of God.
Caring For Eleanor, a journey in forgiveness and finding joy once again.