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Sonia Rumzi

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OCD or Organized, Not So Sure Anymore

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0128_shelf02.jpgHow Do You Arrange Your Books

My husband calls me anal retentive. I might be, I am not sure. Then my daughter called me OCD. So, I had to stop and find out what the hell they were talking about.

Apparently it is in the way I arrange my DVDs. I throw away the case and place them in packs with zippers. That in itself is not so much anal but I like to group them in genre and make sure that the disc is upright and not askew. Head up so to speak. My music cds are the same.

I noted to them that there are people out there much more anal retentive than I am. Like whom they asked. Like the people who love to organize their books in colors. Their library is in color of the spine. Yellows, reds, greens and so on. I don’t do that.

But what do I do? I organize my books by what I have already read. Several bookcases hold what I have read then I sort all by author. Not alphabetical though. See, I am not so OCD.

Yet, if given the chance I would alphabetize the cans in the kitchen cabinets. I would put the tallest bottle to the side and then in a row the shorter ones. I put the large spoons facing one side then the tea spoons opposite then, same with the forks.

OCD or organized? Not so sure anymore.

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A Personal Trainer to Watch Over Me

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Treadmill.jpgFor the privilege of watching some, fat ass, using the elliptical, the Personal Trainer, get paid oodles of money. Well deserved, I might add.

It must be boring as hell being there, watching some heifer, on the treadmill, sweating away. Just standing, there! Making sure, they are doing it. That, is the job of a personal trainer.

The person, who will make sure that we, the adults will do what we want to do, in the first place. Instead of just, we on our own, deciding as grown ups and committed, will actually do, what we set out to accomplish.

Astounding, that we need someone to push us, cajole us, entice us to perform. We, decide to do these exercises, but we need a Motivator. We need a Drill Instructor. We need a Pusher, to do it.

I can understand a Personal Trainer, for more involved practices, like weight lifting or Yoga. We do not want injuries, really. But, for running and cycling? What is that about?

We pay someone to watch us, struggle, huffing and puffing! Mazel Tov!

Learning A Lesson the Hard Way

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_MG_4136.jpgSeveral emotions have gone through me in the last week and I would like to share:

Hurt: I offered to help someone with editing their book. When I received the copy, I realized that I was re-writing not editing. I wrote a list of things to help them in their future writings, things like stop using adverbs, do not start your sentence with There was and so on. I also edited, re-wrote and sent the Preface and the first chapter, done, to them.

In the end, when I gave up on it, here is what they said: “I guess you get what you pay for (I did not charge them). Is this how you get your ideas for books? You bait new writers and take their ideas and then do not keep your promises?”

Needless to say I was hurt. I got over it but it took me a day of self reflection and agonizing over my decision to abandon the project.

Agonized: When you promise to do something for someone, should you complete the project under any circumstances? If you embarked on helping, should you do it no matter how daunting the process?

My husband and daughter found it aggravating that I even pondered such thoughts. I bit more than I could chew or wanted to chew. It is alright to pull out after helping a little if something is too overwhelming.

Failure: Yes, I felt like a failure for not helping, for not completing what I promised. I did finish editing three chapters but could not figure out where some sentences started and where conversations ended. No punctuation made it impossible.

I failed someone I indeed wished to help. Finding it deplorable in my heart, it ate at me and my sense of worth failed me.

Grateful: I was grateful for my family who helped me assess the situation in a more rational way. They found the accusations hilarious and rude. And even when the person sent me a note apologizing as they realized their mistake, my family stood by me supportive as ever even asking me not to respond.

I am grateful for my loving family who would not allow me to wallow in self pity. They laughed if off and got stern when I insisted on arguing for the person.

Reflective: I found myself once again looking into the mirror of my soul to keep a balance to my insides. I found myself looking up to God so my reflections would not end up selfish and self-centered.

Never one to compare myself to others, I find myself looking for my higher example in the Lord. It is important to find that symmetry.

Forgiving: I found myself forgiving for the accusations. Our stories are like our children. We are caring and loving of them. Even if someone means well when they criticize, we are protective of our creations. Their reaction to my withdrawal was normal and I could see that it was hurtful. A promise broken. The accusations unfounded should never have been written.

Resolved: In the end, resolved in my mind to be more realistic, I would offer help after reading the material or at least a sample of it. It is unkind to offer help and withdraw it. In the future, I will be more cautious with my promises.

How to Leave a Bad Relationship

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_MG_4538.jpgHow to leave a bad marriage/relationship according to Salma Keir:

  • Get a lawyer.
  • Get an apartment.
  • Get a job around the children’s needs to succeed.
  • Never allow him/her to scream at you on the phone. You are not together anymore. He/she should not have been doing it in the first place.
  • Insult you. See above!
  • Intimidate you. See above!
  • Do not care what he/she thinks of you. Damaging!
  • When he/she sends you to alcohol and drug testing, never bad mouth them. Talk about yourself.
  • Tell the truth.
  • Never be bitter about what happened. Move forward!
  • If you leave allow the person left some anger but not towards you.
  • Be fair.
  • Be kind when possible.
  • Be firm without being cruel.
  • You have a right once in a while to lose your temper too.
  • Become independent of that partner emotionally and financially.
  • Start over. Clean the slate.
  • Leave it behind. You could not convince them for years, why start now.
  • Unroll that burden off your shoulders and leave it where it can be lost.
  • Make sure there is a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter in the house all the time.
  • Take care of your children’s needs yourself without bowing down to anyone else who thinks otherwise.
  • Make a new life for your daughters.
  • Make sure they are safe and know that you loves them.
  • Never speak ill of your estranged partner for the children’s sake not your partner’s.
  • Teach them integrity and self-reliance.
  • Treat them fairly and firmly with love.

Salma Keir in Caring For Eleanor

Bounty Of Kindness And Giving

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If there is not much at stake for ourselves, the outcomes do not affect us directly, we tend to do better. If the results are not a reflection on ourselves and the upshot is not a casting of a shadow on us, we do better at whatever comes our way.

When the main concern is forever our own indulgence and climbing, it wears the soul down, making us social pariahs. Nothing is as much of a turn off as someone in constant need of stroking and patting of the ego. It is tiring for the person and exhausting for the people surrounding them.

Chores, works, kindness, charity, all those are things done for the sake of doing not for the end result or to see something come out of it for us as individuals. If the serving of kindness and the offering of help is connected with a selfish desire to take the upper hand, it results in discourse and unkindness with a touch of anger and hostility.

Do the thing unto the Lord. Do what needs doing without waiting for grandiose results and outcomes. Do the thing without personal gain. Picking up garbage on the side of the road will not result in a commendation but doing the right thing bending down, picking it up and placing it in the next receptacle they encounter is an end unto itself.

If the time passes and you do not do the kindness or the giving, wait for the next chance and act on it with selfless giving. Many opportunities present themselves every day for the choosing and the choice.

When you see a weed, pick it.