Dear Baba Rumcake,
I love my GF and she’s hot now, but I see potential-for-her-to-get fat with middle age (she’s 26 now). or possibly with the comfort of marriage. or possibly because of her career ambitions (extra time at work means more snacks and less exercise).
I am a marriage-minded guy and would happily marry her if I could be assured she won’t blow up.
WHAT DO I DO?!?!?
continue this relationship until she gets fat?
marry her and divorce if she gets fat?
dump her now?
if I dump her now, what justification do I use? everything is great now. can I actually tell her, “I think you’re going to get fat and I’m not down with having a fat wife”?
Desperate in Detroit
Dear Desperate and don’t care where you are,
You say you are a “marriage-minded guy?” Do you know what marriage is? Marriage is promising your love to someone “in sickness and in health.” Marriage is about love. You say you love your girlfriend?
The fact that her weight is a significant factor to you and that the mere potential for weight-gain is enough for you to contemplate breaking it off is a sure sign to me that you do not know what love is. I couldn’t give you the definition of love, but I know for sure that it isn’t what you feel for this woman, and I am fairly certain that you are incapable of feeling it at all.
Until you grow up a little bit, I don’t think you have the right to inflict your hand in marriage on any poor woman. Maybe you should watch Shallow Hal and Beauty and the Beast a few more times.
In answer to your question of when you should break it off with your girlfriend, I highly recommend that you do it immediately. In answer to your question of the reason you should tell her, tell her the truth—“I am a shallow asshole, incapable of giving you the love and respect that you deserve. Therefore, it is imperative that we end this fraudulent relationship.”
Blessing on expanding your mind this day. Go Rot,
Baba Rumcake