Allowing Dog to Piddle In Tennis Courts

Dear Baba Rumcake,
I was admonished by a man in the tennis courts because my wonderful and very old dog Ruff peed on the net. I apologized for my dog’s mishap but he kept shouting at me. He even suggested I should come back with a towel to clean under the net. I was very upset with the encounter. I felt harassed and worried for my safety. I quickly exited the chain link fence and headed out.
How should I have dealt with this? How should I deal with it next time?
Concerned in Oahu

Dear Concerned,
I’m even calling you dear much to my consternation and dismay.

You walked your dog, old as it may be, in a fenced tennis court. You let bowzer piss on the net? Naturally it dripped to the ground making a puddle.

Now you want to know what do next time?

How about being less of a cretin and not taking your dog into the fenced-in tennis courts where he pisses all over the place. Balls will roll into the acrid urine getting disgusting and nasty for others to handle.

Mishap? Mishap indeed but it is not the dog’s mishap. It is your own lack of discipline. You are the owner, the human, the accountable one. You are the one who put yourself in that unseemly position. Get a life! The world is not your toilet and not your dog’s either.

A poor excuse of a dog caretaker. A perfect example of irresponsibility. It is your own poor judgment and lack of social skills that placed you in that unseemly position.

Your fear of the man who confronted you comes from your inability to take responsibility for your behavior. If you want to know what to do next time, do not allow your dog in the courts. Not so hard. Not so difficult.

That should take care of your problem. If you had half a brain. Assuming you were not raised in a barn.

Library Guard Told Me To Be Quiet

Dear Baba Rumcake

I was in the library with my son who is mentally challenged. We were doing homework and the woman in the next table kept giving me dirty looks. To top it off, the guard came and told me to keep it down since other people were working.

I felt offended. Do you think they should be allowed to shush me? My son has a right to do his homework. What do you think?


Dear Irate….ummmm Looking for Sympathy
What the hell is wrong with you! Are you stupid or is this just a joke? If your son can do homework, it is very probable he can follow directions. In which case you can tell him to be quiet since you are in the library.

If a guard had to tell you to be quiet, you were unreasonably loud which is rude. Having a child is not an excuse for lack of concern and caring for others. Instead of complaining, maybe you should look into adjusting some of your own behaviors.

If you want to chat with your son or do homework, aloud, you should go to your local coffee shop and screech all you want. Your taking offense has nothing to do with your son and everything to do with your lack of discipline.

Just like all of us, you need to follow the rules. Libraries are a haven for quiet not for you to show off that you have a burden on our hands. Why do I say that? Because your note shows a lack of respect for everyone around you and you use your son as cover.

Poor me! Poor me, I have a mentally challenged son and I have to follow the rules.
Grow up!

Baba Rumcake

Glaring At My Husband

Dear Baba Rumcake,

Don’t you love it when people give you dirty looks because, you are, there?

My husband, who is very sweet and very kind, to everyone I might add, happened to be standing, waiting to take his seat. This woman, stood before his chair, not paying attention to him at all and she was upset, when she noticed. He did not hassle her. Nor ask her to move, nothing. She walked out after snatching her coffee giving him looks that would kill.
What gives?

Dear Annoyed,

Egocentricity, that is the quintessential problem that permeates the whole country. You ran into a woman who thinks too much of herself. She believes, most probably, that the space around her, belongs to her. As if we could buy, gather or own a piece of space besides where we absolutely are.

Those are the people, who imply, by their behavior and interaction, with everyone else, that they are more valuable. The same people who think gratitude is a form of groveling, and kindness a form of weakness.

What the hell is that about? He. Was. In. Her. Way. He did not notice, her presence. So, she was annoyed that he was there at all. Either you give these cretins a wide birth where they can ignore you; or you step on their toes and get dirty looks. Pick your poison.

How dare he encroach on her space. How dare he exist! Someone, who, dared exist, in her, immediate domain.

Those are the low lives that can never be happy, with anything, either given to them, or obtained, by unholy methods.They will take for the rest of their lives from whoever is dumb is enough to fall for their snare.

Take it easy, you want to say! Live a little. Give it a rest and let others be. No harm will come to you, if someone is close by. Let others exist and live their own lives, even if it inconveniences you some.

Blessings and don’t forget to stomp on her foot next time!

Baba Rumcake

Should Feed Fat Partner Fatty Food?

Dear Baba Rumcake,

If your bf/gf liked to eat lots of fatty foods and was already a little overweight, would you feed them more of it?

Wondering Partner

Dear Wondering Partner,

Why don’t you leave the eating habits of your partner to them. There is no need for this push to make things for your partner if they like to eat crap. If they do, let them make it themselves. What is the need for pushing? We say for people to avoid pushing drugs now you want to push bad food?
Stay the hell out of it. Let them be responsible for their own fattening. You do not need to encourage or comment or even suggest. Take a hike and let it be.

Baba Rumcake

Married Friend Refusing Comaraderie

Dear Baba Rumcake,

I know a friend who is newly married and turning into a pretentious asswipe who is losing contact with all his friends. I want to say that when stuff like this happens, the relationship is the one that will usually end–and likely badly. But for now he is I guess going strong with her–spending all his time with her or just home. I really cant believe the person he’s become.
What do you think?

Missing my Buddy

Dear Missing,

He is a married man. It is natural for your friend to be involved in his new marriage. Happens with all newlyweds. In time he might come back. Or not. Get yourself ready for the reality that your friend found his soulmate and has moved on.
On the other hand, what the hell do you want with a married man? There is no way that he will spend the time he spent with you before. This is not some movie about growing up, this is growing up for real. Back off and leave him alone.
You do not need to be the one who gets in the way and cause a rift between them. Time for adult time. Go play Nintendo and PSP by yourself since I am sure that is what you miss with your friend.

Baba Rumcake


Could Str8 Man Have Gay Friends

Dear Baba Rumcake,

Could a gay man and str8 guy be really good friends w/o the str8 guy being paranoid all the time? Even if the str8 guy is so secure with himself, his GF or buddies won’t be and will eventually wear him down by making him paranoid and badgering him and asking him why he’s friend with a gay man.
I have more str8 buddies than I know gay men and they all eventually become paranoid and leave and I have never had any sexual feelings toward them, they were like my brothers.

Str8 Shooter

Dear Str8,

Who are you trying to convince that you are straight? Not me, I hope! Sounds like a problem of your own making. We make friends with whoever comes our way without choosing and picking, unless we choose and pick who we go after for friendships.
People will come and go in your life, some Asian, Black, White, Alien, Gay, Women or otherwise. Who cares!? Why do you care who cares who you befriend? Make friends and keep the innuendo out of it. If someone makes a play for you, then get all mouthy and defensive. Otherwise give it a rest.
Baba Rumcake

Male Bimbo Lacking Brains Too

Dear Buba Rumcake,

I’m in love with a male bimbo.  He’s so sweet and good looking… But he’s not the most intellectual person. He also seems very one dimensional. Is that bad? What is wrong with me?

Confused in Lust

Dear Confused,

Nothing wrong with you that a few times in the sack will not fix. If you have such a hard on for this guy, sleep with him and get it over with. After all that is what the men did with women for years. They slept with all the bimbos without any regard to brains. So you are after brawn not brain.
Just remember it makes you light on your feet in the brain department. After all a little conversation is good. But, if you have reached the point of not caring, hey go for it. Okay enough said.

Let me ask though, you know he is not intellectual, he is one dimensional and he’s a bimbo, your words, and you still want him. God bless you on your shallowness!

Baba Rumcake

Never Invites Me to Partys

So I have a ? I have a fiance that never invites me with him to his friends partys he says I wont have fun but how would he know he never ask what do you think?


Dear Confused,

I refuse to correct your spelling errors, punctuation disasters and all round illiterate writing.

You are either blind, stupid or just want a man just to have one. If this boy does not introduce you to his friends, he is:

  • ashamed of you
  • has a wife
  • has a girlfriend
  • has another woman
  • dating others
  • sleeping with all

But most importantly, he is lying. Nothing is so strange or weird about behavior that is obvious. Seems to be obvious but not to you, I can see that. Just because a man uses the word fiance or engaged does not mean that he is not using it with another woman or even a wife.

Dump the bastard! He is a lying, scum bag and you need to get away from him. This will not end well and you will get hurt when you find out some day that he also children and a wife.

Irresponsible Dad Problem Not Lazy Son

I have been married for many years, and my husband and I live together. His unemployed and (otherwise homeless) adult son lives with us as well. We have 3 young children from our marriage together. His son does not respect ANY of the rules of the house, doesn’t do any chores, doesn’t contribute anything positive at all. He lies. Disrupts the household. Yells at me and the kids.

How do I tell my husband me and the kids or his son?
Living In Turmoil

Dear Living In Turmoil,

Are you frikking kidding me! Why would you even want to stay with that moron who did such a lousy job with his first son? He will do the same for the other three and they will all end up at your doorstep, all homeless and needy.

If you do not see that this situation is on the whole bad for all of you, I am not sure that you hold a job that needs any intelligence. What in the world are you waiting for? An act of Congress to get your butt out of there and protect your children from this lazy, no good, user? Well, you will wait a long time since they don’t have their act together either.

Get off your scared lazy behind and take those children out of there before more harm is caused by the irresponsible behavior of the father. NOT the son, the DAD is the problem. His loose ideals will ruin all of them.
Blessings on your Oh so lame excuses,
-Baba Rumcake

Inappropriate Behavior Elicits Enthusiasm

Dear Baba Rumcake,
They announce your presence to everyone in the room. They say I JUST DROPPED ASS AND YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET HIT IN THE GRILL WITH IT. I will never tire of farting loudly and simultaneously striking any sort of amateur karate stance.

However, I’ve recently changed my eating habits and managed to reduce my considerable ass girthiness. I’ve also taken to eating lots of fiber: fruits and Metamucil and what not. Fiber, as you know, will make you fart your fucking brains out. I have also discovered that the majority of these fiber farts are silent in nature. You push them out and it’s all psssssssssss. No thunderclap. No presence.

Any seasoned farter knows fart sounds can be manipulated. You can make a fart loud by sitting on a wooden bench or whatever. And that’s always fun. I always figured farting loudly and boldly was more fun than passing off an SBD. But this recent run of silent farts has been MAGICAL. There’s nothing quite like letting out a soundless fart and then WAITING for everyone else to smell it. You know it’s gonna smell. You know what you just fucking ate. You know it’s only a matter of time before the shock and revulsion hits everyone in the room. I can’t even hide it all that well any more. I just start giggling like a madman about to nuke a city. Then my wife will look over.
Noisy Farter

I have nothing to say to that! Just sharing people’s disgusting behaviors and the nerve they have for sharing. :)
Your life is pathetic. So pathetic in fact, that you actually came up with THREE paragraphs on this subject, typed it up, hit preview; then still decided to submit it!

Baba Rumcake