Archives for 2011

Real strength is in God and in godly attributes like quietness, trust and joy (Nehemiah 8:10).

Do not allow anyone to rob you of your joy. The quietness of your spirit is not from without, it is from within. When the time comes and you experience restless disquiet, where your very soul is torn, move on.

Every woman in an abusive situation will attest that she tried and tried but failed in the end to stop him. You cannot stop him but you can leave him. When you try (which is normal) for a while but then even your peace of mind is robbed from you, it is time to leave.

Do not look back! Do not regret or feel awkward and guilty. Quietness, trust and joy must come from within, from your very insides. If your life with him stops that and dries it out, there is no curing him, you need to move on with your own life.

Yes, you need to take charge of your own life and do something different to regain your lost self. When you become someone you do not recognize, when you become a person you do not like even, it is time to leave. Leave without a look behind. It is devastating to them that you could leave but it will strengthen and fill you with hope.

Do not let him trample over you because you made a promise to love and to hold from this day forward. It also says that he needs to love you like Christ loved His church and died for her. So, get over the guilt trip, get over the dogma and change your life staying still in the grace of God.

Caring For Eleanor, a journey in forgiveness and finding joy once again.

Forgiveness is the key to moving on with your life after the trauma of marital abuse. It goes without saying that the person you are leaving behind is someone who hurt you. Yes, of course or you would not be leaving.

Unfortunately if you do not clear your conscience and forgive that person no matter what they have done to you, your life will be burdened with the guilt and the bitterness of hate. Forgiveness is an act of will not of feeling.

You may still feel hurt. You may still feel angry. But, the act of will to forgive someone, is just that, an act of will. Never shirk your responsibility when it comes to conflict. Nothing is more damaging to the hurt one than carrying the load of unforgiveness in heart and soul.

Unforgiveness eats at your very soul and heart. It affects the aggressor but little. Like envy, it does not hurt the one who hurt you, it only hurts you on the inside keeping you from fulfilling the heights of your own achievements in your own life.

Forgive him or her and move on with your own life away from them. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to stay in touch and go to dinner. It means that in your own heart and depth of your soul, you release the person of the guilt of your hurt.

“Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you.” – Corrie ten Boom, Dutch Christian Holocaust Survivor

Do not delay this act of releasing yourself of the burden of hatred and unforgiveness. Move on! Do not let it fetter you to the ground but allow yourself to soar above it all. @SalmaKeir

Caring For Eleanor, a journey in forgiveness and moving on.

On bare quiet feet she slipped out of bed, went downstairs, turned on the light and put water on the stove to boil for tea, then sat down at the kitchen table. When the water boiled the pensive woman made herself a cup of Constant Comment then sat down to think. Tense with the anguish of spiritual struggle, thoughts whirled around in her head. Time crawled as she sat sipping and thinking. The sneaky morning light started to steal into the kitchen, as she sat there still wide awake. As she noticed the dawn, she pushed herself up, then went upstairs to shower and get ready. Time crept.

Excerpt from the book Caring For Eleanor by @SalmaKeir

“You do not have money, Mikel.”
“That’s because you spend it before I make it.”
Mikel had no money besides his substantial earnings. He told her if she was truthful, she should take her name off the credit cards and the house, calling his wife a gold digger keeping him broke and spending all his earnings.
The fight escalated. Scorched with the hurt of indignation, Salma sobbed while Mikel accused her of ruining him financially. They had this argument several times before. The angry blood burned in his face making him bitter while she cried, without hope. He reminded her, she contributed nothing to the household, that she was not helping and how sick and tired he was of supporting her.
Salma so wanted but could not, remind Mikel that she worked while he went to school. That she typed his Masters on a typewriter, and his Doctorate on a word processor in the old days. She could not remind him that she was there all along when he only made $300 a month as they worked together to build their future. The distraught woman did not remind him, that she worked in a sewing factory in the South while he went to school, supporting his studies while avoiding worries about food and rent. Low and unthinkable reminding him that she worked as an evening waitress after their first born; so she could attend her child during the day and not resort to a sitter.

Excerpt from Caring For Eleanor

What does it take for a woman to leave a husband she loves? Why should she leave if she loves him? It always was that way, I loved him. His love for me was expressed in anger, control and irritation at my own stupidity.

Does that sound like love? No it does not. It took time and eye opening discussion and experience to realize the need to leave. Love is kind. Love is patient. How patient should I be? When is enough, truly enough?

I met Eleanor, an older woman who during my time caring for her health and body, she cared for my mind and heart. She shared her life and heart with me allowing me a glimpse into a better life. She encouraged and supported me and I felt her love push me to a safer and happier life.

Salma Keir