Dear Baba Rumcake,
They announce your presence to everyone in the room. They say I JUST DROPPED ASS AND YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET HIT IN THE GRILL WITH IT. I will never tire of farting loudly and simultaneously striking any sort of amateur karate stance.
However, I’ve recently changed my eating habits and managed to reduce my considerable ass girthiness. I’ve also taken to eating lots of fiber: fruits and Metamucil and what not. Fiber, as you know, will make you fart your fucking brains out. I have also discovered that the majority of these fiber farts are silent in nature. You push them out and it’s all psssssssssss. No thunderclap. No presence.
Any seasoned farter knows fart sounds can be manipulated. You can make a fart loud by sitting on a wooden bench or whatever. And that’s always fun. I always figured farting loudly and boldly was more fun than passing off an SBD. But this recent run of silent farts has been MAGICAL. There’s nothing quite like letting out a soundless fart and then WAITING for everyone else to smell it. You know it’s gonna smell. You know what you just fucking ate. You know it’s only a matter of time before the shock and revulsion hits everyone in the room. I can’t even hide it all that well any more. I just start giggling like a madman about to nuke a city. Then my wife will look over.
I have nothing to say to that! Just sharing people’s disgusting behaviors and the nerve they have for sharing.
Your life is pathetic. So pathetic in fact, that you actually came up with THREE paragraphs on this subject, typed it up, hit preview; then still decided to submit it!