Inappropriate Behavior Elicits Enthusiasm

Dear Baba Rumcake,
They announce your presence to everyone in the room. They say I JUST DROPPED ASS AND YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET HIT IN THE GRILL WITH IT. I will never tire of farting loudly and simultaneously striking any sort of amateur karate stance.

However, I’ve recently changed my eating habits and managed to reduce my considerable ass girthiness. I’ve also taken to eating lots of fiber: fruits and Metamucil and what not. Fiber, as you know, will make you fart your fucking brains out. I have also discovered that the majority of these fiber farts are silent in nature. You push them out and it’s all psssssssssss. No thunderclap. No presence.

Any seasoned farter knows fart sounds can be manipulated. You can make a fart loud by sitting on a wooden bench or whatever. And that’s always fun. I always figured farting loudly and boldly was more fun than passing off an SBD. But this recent run of silent farts has been MAGICAL. There’s nothing quite like letting out a soundless fart and then WAITING for everyone else to smell it. You know it’s gonna smell. You know what you just fucking ate. You know it’s only a matter of time before the shock and revulsion hits everyone in the room. I can’t even hide it all that well any more. I just start giggling like a madman about to nuke a city. Then my wife will look over.
Noisy Farter

I have nothing to say to that! Just sharing people’s disgusting behaviors and the nerve they have for sharing. :)
Your life is pathetic. So pathetic in fact, that you actually came up with THREE paragraphs on this subject, typed it up, hit preview; then still decided to submit it!

Baba Rumcake

Harper Collins Failing Everyone

Harper Collins just announced to the libraries carrying their e-books that after 26 “lendings”, the book agreement with them is null and void. Hence, the free library is required to buy the same book again. Even worse, Macmillan and Simon & Schuster do not even allow libraries any e-books from their catalogs.

The nerve and gall of that failing industry still boggles the mind. Publishing companies are grasping at straws to keep their heads above water, but sink they will and soon. Willful disregard for integrity and fair treatment of their writers, authors and ancillary help that keep them afloat is coming back to bite them in the butt.

This greedy grabby irresponsible behavior shows publishers’ lack of vision for the future. E-books are here to stay but Harper Collins, Macmillan with Simon & Schuster, will soon be extinct like the dinosaurs that they are.

Eating Food is Satanic!

Dear Baba Rumcake,
Eating food is Satanic!
Life feeding on life, no matter plant or animal. Living things murdering other living things so that they might live. From the smallest bacteria to livestock and vegetables, the ritual sacrifice of the food you eat. This is Satan’s world, and if you eat food, you give him power from your evil deeds and sacrifices involved with eating food.
Avoiding food stuffs
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BF erased posting on FB

Dear Baba Rumcake,
I’ve been dating a guy definitely for about 8 weeks, before we were friends for 8 months.
We’ve been sleeping together. Even took me out for Valentine’s Day.
Today he posted some funny video on Facebook, and I replied to it. Something sweet, but in no way vulgar or strange. He removed my post. So when I asked him why, he said because it “implies you are my GF”. He has been trying to apologize. What should I do? I am so hurt.
So Hurt it Hurts
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Why Men Seek Youth

I saw this and thought i should post for women to see.
Free advice from Baba Rumcake that explains how some men are scumbags.

Bad News and the Good News…
Sorry if this is harsh but its good (life changing) advice.
The bad news is you are right. I am 32 and am not interested in girls my own age anymore. [Read more...]

Needing Male Boss

Dear Baba Rumcake,
Male or Female boss, which is better?
I have a GREAT opportunity for a new job that will pay me wayyy better.
I have a phone interview this week. Good thing the hiring manager is male.
Worked for women for years and wow this manager I have @ my current job is very NITPICKY and maybe I’m tired of it. Wondering if I’m going to get this (I’m qualified). Have you had better experience working w/ male or female bosses?
Needing a Male Boss
[Read more...]

Long Hair Mismatched Shoes Who Cares

I’m looking at hair styles and this was posted on the website….

“LENGTH: Many women wear long hairstyles because their significant other demands it, or because she is insecure and hides behind her hair. You should wear the hairstyles ‘best’ suited to you, and as long as you are hiding behind your hair, your confidence level can’t increase and will therefor affect your earnings and success in life.”
Hair Dilemma
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Tooth Fairy Getting Expensive

tooth-fairy.jpgWe all know that witches are everywhere waiting, lurking to take parts of you to put in their brew, like finger nail clippings, hair from your brush, a snotty tissue and even your tooth.

When a child loses a tooth, it is a time to rejoice and be excited that they are growing up. That is the time you know that, your not so little one, is on the way to having hopefully healthy solid teeth to bite into solid foods with relish.

But, you want to make sure that when your precious little one loses a tooth, the bad witch does not get hold of it and use it in her nasty magic. The tooth is hidden under the pillow in a little pouch which only the parents know about and they retrieve it in the middle of the night and replace it with a coin. [Read more...]