Lonely Condom Seeks Valentine

Valentine’s Day with National Condom Week

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Is it any surprise that today is not only Valentine’s Day but also National Condom Week? Not to me. I can see the correlation here. Honestly, can’t you see it?

Here we are embarking on another V-day where expectations are high and demand is even higher. So, she is expecting a great dinner with flowers and chocolates. You may not be ready to give her that ring she wants but you sure want to get into her pants tonight, right? [Read more...]

Irresponsible Dad Problem Not Lazy Son

I have been married for many years, and my husband and I live together. His unemployed and (otherwise homeless) adult son lives with us as well. We have 3 young children from our marriage together. His son does not respect ANY of the rules of the house, doesn’t do any chores, doesn’t contribute anything positive at all. He lies. Disrupts the household. Yells at me and the kids.

How do I tell my husband me and the kids or his son?
Living In Turmoil

Dear Living In Turmoil,

Are you frikking kidding me! Why would you even want to stay with that moron who did such a lousy job with his first son? He will do the same for the other three and they will all end up at your doorstep, all homeless and needy.

If you do not see that this situation is on the whole bad for all of you, I am not sure that you hold a job that needs any intelligence. What in the world are you waiting for? An act of Congress to get your butt out of there and protect your children from this lazy, no good, user? Well, you will wait a long time since they don’t have their act together either.

Get off your scared lazy behind and take those children out of there before more harm is caused by the irresponsible behavior of the father. NOT the son, the DAD is the problem. His loose ideals will ruin all of them.
Blessings on your Oh so lame excuses,
-Baba Rumcake

Inappropriate Behavior Elicits Enthusiasm

Dear Baba Rumcake,
They announce your presence to everyone in the room. They say I JUST DROPPED ASS AND YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET HIT IN THE GRILL WITH IT. I will never tire of farting loudly and simultaneously striking any sort of amateur karate stance.

However, I’ve recently changed my eating habits and managed to reduce my considerable ass girthiness. I’ve also taken to eating lots of fiber: fruits and Metamucil and what not. Fiber, as you know, will make you fart your fucking brains out. I have also discovered that the majority of these fiber farts are silent in nature. You push them out and it’s all psssssssssss. No thunderclap. No presence.

Any seasoned farter knows fart sounds can be manipulated. You can make a fart loud by sitting on a wooden bench or whatever. And that’s always fun. I always figured farting loudly and boldly was more fun than passing off an SBD. But this recent run of silent farts has been MAGICAL. There’s nothing quite like letting out a soundless fart and then WAITING for everyone else to smell it. You know it’s gonna smell. You know what you just fucking ate. You know it’s only a matter of time before the shock and revulsion hits everyone in the room. I can’t even hide it all that well any more. I just start giggling like a madman about to nuke a city. Then my wife will look over.
Noisy Farter

I have nothing to say to that! Just sharing people’s disgusting behaviors and the nerve they have for sharing. :)
Your life is pathetic. So pathetic in fact, that you actually came up with THREE paragraphs on this subject, typed it up, hit preview; then still decided to submit it!

Baba Rumcake

True Confessions Can Be Destructive

Tree in summerTrue Confessions Day

Please don’t be stupid and go confessing something that would cause trouble in your marriage or relationships in general. Just because today is True Confessions Day does not mean you should go into work and tell your Boss that you hate them, no matter how much you want to do it.

Just because today claims to be that day does not mean you have to tell your sister that if she was not family, you would never have thought of knowing her. It is not only creepy, it is rude and unnecessary.

Do not go and tell your spouse that you have been having an affair with her best friend. Who cares you silly sod. Keep it to yourself and do not ruin her life and her relationships. [Read more...]

Marriage Vows Not Always “Till Do Us Part”

Dear Baba Rumcake,
When does it stop hurting?
Recently separated from my husband and I know he’s not good for me. (Basically our whole marriage was a fraud for my money) I know that in my head, but my heart still hurts so much.
How do you get over a man that you promised in front of your family and God that you would love forever?

Hardly Over It in O’Brien [Read more...]