Dear Baba Rumcake,
My husband jacks off to gay porn like all the time. but I KNOW he enjoys sex with me. It is very obvious. but He likes to sneak away and beat off to this stuff about half the time. Says it reminds him of nasty things he did in boarding school. Should I be concerned?
Dear married to a gay guy:
Should you be concerned? Perhaps, but not about that which already concerns you. Allow me to explain.
The fact that your husband masturbates to porn is not really the biggest problem here. Masturbating is much healthier than going out and having actual sex with actual people. I believe this is true of most pornography, gay or straight. No chance of sharing STD’s, HIV, crabs, or other nasty nanocrud, not to mention the betrayal of a reasonable expectation of fidelity.
No, the problem here is that you are married to a gay guy and you don’t seem to understand that you are married to a gay guy. Let me put this into a language that even a nitwit can follow.
Many gay men, who have no interest in women, will nevertheless marry women in order to have the trappings of a traditional home life, including children. It may be an unpleasant duty. They may pretend otherwise. They may perform their spousal function the way some children will eat their broccoli: they feel they have to get through it in order to get dessert. Some men are bi-sexual and want to enjoy the full complement of all the sexual food groups. Some men are latent homosexuals: they may not realize yet that they are gay, or they may be deceiving themselves. These types of marriages are not necessarily bad or undesirable. They can be quite workable as long as both parties know what is happening and agree to abide by the consequences. I suspect that your husband falls into the first category, primarily because of the stupid excuse he gave you about it.
Having sex with another man = gay.
Thinking about having sex with another man makes him sexually excited = gay.
Thinking about having sex with another man while having sex with you = gay (unless this is a technique to hold out longer so you can catch up).
Going to boarding school = not gay.
Having sex with other boys in boarding school = gay.
Thinking about the boys he had sex with in boarding school and having orgasms while watching other men have sex instead of having sex with the wife = ___________.
If you filled in the blank with anything other than g-a-y = you are a naive idiot. You’re being not only stupid, but easily manipulated (and not in the good way), should concern you more than anything your gay husband is doing. It’s fine if you want to be married to a gay guy. If you don’t, you should probably get another husband. It should also make you wonder what else you are stupid about.
Blessings and let me know how you do.