Skip links

Sonia Rumzi

Header Right

Sex

Tantrika in Texas Sunshine

by

Dear Baba Rumcake,

A friend was blabbering on how boring “Tantric Sex” is. Not seeming overly sincere, I asked how he got his in-depth knowledge. He said his understanding comes from experts, in men’s magazines. Not an ounce, of personal experience. Sheesh.

Recently, the Internet has been flooded with articles (photos too) on Sting & Trudie Styler and their THIRTY year relationship (including 6 kids) of, sizzling, sex life. I know what tawdry is, but tantra? If Tantra, does that for them, then, I’m:

Tantrika (wanna be) in Texas Sunshine

Dear T. I. T. S.,

Wow,

Your friend is a moron. He is a simpleton who does not want or need to take the time to learn.

What you ask, is very real and widely practiced in the Yoga community. Here are some possbilities and then a real answer.

First, go to your nearest large consumer bookstore ( or search on-line ). Find, all the books, with writhing naked couples, associated with the word “Tantra” or “Tantric Sex”, on the front. Study the back covers of each one, for a minute or so. The juiciest ones have stuff like; “simple, yet powerful exercises”, “a few minutes a day”, “best and hottest techniques”… buy any two of these and glance through the pages of each. Congratulations, you are now a (cough) Western expert in Tantric Sex.

OR do the following in order:

  1. Take a 60 minute Yoga and Pranayama, breathing techniques class, every, single, day, for two years.
  2. For the next two years, 2 hours of daily Yoga & Pranayama practice, and;
  3. Start studying the hundreds of Sutras; Diamond Sutra, Heart Sutra, Yoga Sutra, etc.
  4. OK, now the Kama Sutra, actually READ the text, not just look at the added pictures.

Great, with your Bachelor’s Degree equivalent, you *start* to have the body & mind for the Tantric Texts… Oh, you thought, this was going to be, easy? You thought, there was, a magic pill? Sting, has been practicing for over 20 years, and he, was in great shape (or so he thought) before he and his wife, stepped on the Yogic path.

Oh, and as for that, know it all, friend, does he, pass out, after 15 minutes of sex? Of course he does. Can he have multiple orgasms without ejaculating? Not a chance.

Thankfully, biology takes good care of us. If cavemen did not fall asleep when they spilt their seed, they would have beaten us to death, wanting more. Resulting in killing off, their latest progeny, before, they pop open, their next beer; you know what I mean.

Blessing on your new studies, and do let me know of your progress.
Baba Rumcake

Ticking Biological Clock in Topeka

by

Dear Baba Rumcake,
I dont know how to pick a husband, there are so many factors to consider.. and hard to find someone with everything..im 28 though.. time to decide..
Ticking Biological Clock in Topeka

Dear Ticking,
What, exactly is the everything, you are searching for? Do you, have, everything?

You want to tell me that you have not found one man that fits the bill, in the area that you live in? I’ll give you Topeka only has a population of 100,000+, but get over it, Sergey Brin and Larry Page ( Google Creators ) were married in 2007. So go ahead, try to tell Baba how you have not found one man that fits your lofty irresponsible requirements, in the whole of the Internet?

What is it that you want in a man! What is it that you can truly offer that is so awesomely great, that no one fits the bill. It is time to do some serious soul searching and decide what is important in your life.

It is time to write down your personal pros and cons, in two lists. Go down those lists and tick off the most important ones. Discard the rest, they’re likely unrealistic ones. This is good solid advice for the inwardly blind. Get on with seeing who you are, for real – not the “im so deserving, can’t find a husband ” baby factory whine machine.

God bless on your search and your ticking clock.

Baba Rumcake

Jan 21, International Fetish Day

by

Today is International Fetish Day.



Now what do you think of that? Have you ever thought what your fetish is? There are a wide variety of fetishes in the world and since this is an international day, I thought that listing them all would be interesting. How useful, I am not really certain of that. But, why always write what is important.

Entertainment for today!

A list of fetishes and my commentary:

Acomoclitic – the preference of hairless genitalia…

Botulinonia – using a sausage as a dildo., …just don’t cook it later, please

Choreophilia – sexually aroused by dancing, ….that’s what the Baptists said, it leads to sex.

Doraphilia – arousal from fur or animal skin, …..ewwwww, side of beef.

Endytphoilia – refers to preferring sex partners to be clothed rather than naked, …..why for heaven’s sake. Puritans.

Gomphipothic – arousal by seeing teeth, ….. huh?

Homilophilia – arousal from giving sermon or speech., ….no wonder he was so thrilled all the time.

Inspectionism – Voyeurism, …we all do that when we watch movies, get over it.

Jactitation – arousal from bragging about sexual exploits, ….every friggin’ locker room is raging then.

Kleptolagnia – arousal from stealing, ….well, that’s alright then, you can have it, 🙂

Lactaphilia – arousal from lactating breasts, ….see that is why they ask women to cover up when feeding, risking discovery.

Melolagnia – arousal from music, …. ta ra la la la tra la la…O crap, done.

Nanophilia – attraction to, vertically challenged people, ….yep thought I should be PC.

Ochlophilia – arousal from biting, ….Ok, just take your rabies shots first.

Psychrotentiginous – Arousal from cold water, …Now that is just wrong.

Rhabdophilia – Arousal from being flogged, beaten or caned, ….Gimme that rod, I’ll take care of your problem.

Satyriasis – Male equivalent of nymphomania, ….That is just called a male slut.

Timophilia – Arousal from power or wealth, ….Now I get it, no wonder Cheney needed it, the limp biscuit.

Urtication – The use of stinging plants to stimulate the skin, ….Ouch!

Vincilagnia – Arousal from bondage, ….Talk about keeping someone in their place.

Xenophilia – Sexual arousal from strangers, ….Yeah, you don’t hate them since you do not know them, 🙂

Zwischenstufe – Arousal from person/s of the same sex, ….Is that like homosexual?

A to Z, International Fetish Day

— Sonya

Married to a Gay Man

by

Dear Baba Rumcake,

My husband jacks off to gay porn like all the time. but I KNOW he enjoys sex with me. It is very obvious. but He likes to sneak away and beat off to this stuff about half the time. Says it reminds him of nasty things he did in boarding school. Should I be concerned?
__________

Dear married to a gay guy:

Should you be concerned?  Perhaps, but not about that which already concerns you.  Allow me to explain.

The fact that your husband masturbates to porn is not really the biggest problem here.  Masturbating is much healthier than going out and having actual sex with actual people.  I believe this is true of most pornography, gay or straight.  No chance of sharing STD’s, HIV, crabs, or other nasty nanocrud, not to mention the betrayal of a reasonable expectation of fidelity.

No, the problem here is that you are married to a gay guy and you don’t seem to understand that you are married to a gay guy.  Let me put this into a language that even a nitwit can follow.

Many gay men, who have no interest in women, will nevertheless marry women in order to have the trappings of a traditional home life, including children. It may be an unpleasant duty.  They may pretend otherwise.  They may perform their spousal function the way some children will eat their broccoli: they feel they have to get through it in order to get dessert.  Some men are bi-sexual and want to enjoy the full complement of all the sexual food groups.  Some men are latent homosexuals: they may not realize yet that they are gay, or they may be deceiving themselves.  These types of marriages are not necessarily bad or undesirable.  They can be quite workable as long as both parties know what is happening and agree to abide by the consequences.  I suspect that your husband falls into the first category, primarily because of the stupid excuse he gave you about it.

Having sex with another man = gay.
Thinking about having sex with another man makes him sexually excited = gay.
Thinking about having sex with another man while having sex with you = gay (unless this is a technique to hold out longer so you can catch up).
Going to boarding school = not gay.
Having sex with other boys in boarding school = gay.
Thinking about the boys he had sex with in boarding school and having orgasms while watching other men have sex instead of having sex with the wife = ___________.

If you filled in the blank with anything other than g-a-y = you are a naive idiot.  You’re being not only stupid, but easily manipulated (and not in the good way), should concern you more than anything your gay husband is doing.  It’s fine if you want to be married to a gay guy.  If you don’t, you should probably get another husband.  It should also make you wonder what else you are stupid about.

Blessings and let me know how you do.

Baba Rumcake

Blue Balls in New York

by

Dear Baba Rumcake,

Need advice: my wife is pregnant, with our second child, and again her sex drive crashed, mine however, is good as always, so i am going nutz, what should i do?

Blue Balls in New York

Dear Blue Balls,
You are a sick puppy. You want your poor child to come out with a bruise on his forehead? Never mind! Here is what you can do.
You have lots of work to do, my friend. Women are not apt to have sex unless they have been wooed and made love to, all day.
Buy flowers! Take her out to a romantic dinner. Call her all day from work. Ask her how her day has been, while you were away from her, and be ready to listen.
Make love to your wife, all day long, ALL day long.  If you want your sex life back, take the time to entice your  wife.
Unfortunately for you, but fortunate for the human race, women want lots of sex when they need to get pregnant. That is the call of nature. Afterwards, you have to do some work.
Ummmm…there are women out there who are completely sexual when pregnant. Good luck! Keep making love to her dude…..all day!

God bless on your venture in wooing your wife, let me know how you faire.
Baba Rumcake