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Free To Be Creepy

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which-one-are-you.jpgItchy, Bitchy, Crampy, Moody, Weepy, you get the idea. Which one are you?

At birth we are 90% body water. In adulthood it decreases to 70-75%. When we age we dry up like prunes and we are at an ever low of 50%.

Why am I sharing this with you? Because today is Perigean Spring Tides. I could go on and on and explain what that is but you will find that on Wikipedia. [Read more…] about Free To Be Creepy

Gay, Past Life; Are You Serious?

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Dear Baba Rumcake,
I love my wife and children but occasionally, I like to be with men. Does that mean I was gay in a past life?

Tantalized from Cleveland

Dear Tantalized,

No, I would say, no. You were not gay, in a past life. You are gay, in this life.

Are you kidding, pal? I got it, that, you lived your life hiding behind the marriage certificate, bully for you. You have children too, very clever. I imagine, that you think that you are outsmarting everyone who loves you, by having such a great cover. You are not the first nor will you be the last man to do that.

It is interesting that you would want to believe that you were gay in a past life so that you would not admit that you are gay right now, in this life, at this moment. Which makes you an imaginative jughead.

If you continue down that path, it will be alright for a while, I guess, but not for long. Since you are gay, you will make mistakes and will get caught. When your wife finds out, she will probably want to bash your head in. Forewarned is forearmed!

Either stay off the “sauce” or get out, of the proverbial, closet, and live your life the way you want to live it.

So, just to clarify, so that there would be no mistakes about my answer to you, I will explain again.

You are gay. Do not make witless excuses for your needs.

Any man, who wants to be, with another man, is gay. Grow up! Past lives excuse, is for Quixotic dimwits.

Blessings on your past life.

Baba Rumcake

Do You Have a Significant Jerk?

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23 Reasons Why You Might Have a Significant Jerk

Below are reasons to dump the jerk in your life. It could be a man or a woman. Don’t be sexist. Just because, it is a jerk, does not mean, just men, it could be a jerk woman; i.e. BITCH. If they do any or a combination of the following things, then today is:

Dump Your Significant Jerk Day!

(for men, please substitute she, thanks)

  • If he mentions how or what you eat; anything about food, dump the jerk.
  • If he ever hit you, dump him.
  • If he intimidates you, dump his ass.
  • If he does not want to meet your parents, dump him.
  • If he does not like ANY of your friends, he is not good.
  • If he does not like you to do anything besides with him, he is controlling.
  • If he hates it when you take up a hobby, he is a jerk.
  • If he is on the phone while ordering his coffee, he is rude and will be to you too in the future.
  • If he does not stand up when he meets your mother or father, he is worthless and disrespectful.
  • If he cannot support himself, get rid of him.
  • If you are the butt of his jokes with people dump him.
  • If he hates it when you warm up against him, he is a jerk.
  • If her spends no time alone with you, he is a jerk.
  • If her does not call when he is going to be late, yep jerk.
  • If he does not cuddle, then he is not a keeper.
  • If he does not kiss you and touch you sometimes, dump the ass.
  • If he watches gay porn he is gay, dump him (for men, maybe you do not want to dump her).
  • If he is texting your girlfriends to go out with them, without your knowledge while trying to be with you, pure jerk.
  • iI he cheats and you accept it, he will do it again; jerk, no surprise there.
  • If he is not reliable, today is the day.
  • If he is not stronger than you physically, (just for women).
  • If you do not feel secure in him, dump him.
  • And finally, if you do not feel safe with him, dump the jerk.

Do you have any other reasons to add to this list? Comments are now open…

The Big D, File or Not File?

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Dear Baba Rumcake,
Moved out a year ago. I am paralyzed in trying to make a decision to file. I can’t even use the word. What do I do?
Indecisive in Independence

Dear Indecisive,
If you moved out of the schmuck’s house, I assume, he is not worth keeping. You made the first move now take the next step and set yourself free.

If I don’t wear something for six months, I give it away, throw it out or sell it. A year is a long time, to hang on to something that is way past its use.

Take the proverbial, thumb out of your mouth, and do the thing that needs to be done. No one else will do it for you. Cut the apron strings, cut up rough and get a move on!

There is no cause for waffling here. If you want to go back, do it. If you want to stay out, then file the papers and move on with the next phase of your uncertain life.

Healing will come; after closure.

Blessings on your reluctant self this day. Let me know how you do.

Baba Rumcake

Alone should not mean lonely!

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

Hi! How does one get past the lonely feelings?
Divorced Dan in Durham

Dear Divorced,
You can be alone, but not lonely.You need to learn to be by yourself. Your question implies that you have not learned to be by yourself, for any length of time.

Learning to be alone is an art, worth exploring. Join a Yoga group. Learn to meditate. Join a singles club. Get out, have coffee and engage with strangers.

People who cannot be alone, generally, do not like themselves. When you like someone, you spend time with them. You need to learn to like who you are. If there are things you do not like about yourself, this is the time to explore them and make the necessary changes. Consider this the transition time, for meeting the woman of your future.

You will survive. But that is not enough. You need to learn to partake of life. Get out there and live.

Blessings on your alone days. Let me know how it goes.
Baba Rumcake