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Baba Rumcake

Debunked in Danbury

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

When a woman passes by you and gives you a smile while passing by, how do you know she’s just being friendly or is romantically interested in me? Are there any indicators either way?

Debunked in Danbury

Dear DD,

Assume that she is not romantically interested in you.  Unless you are a rock star, sports star, or celebrity, she is probably grimacing at the thought that you might speak to her as you cross in the night. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?  No one is going to be attracted to you from a 3-second glance.  That is not a smile, it is a rictus of discomfort.

There are approximately 43 reasons why one person smiles at another.  You make her nervous.  He thinks you are stupid.  She can’t think of anything to say.  He is sucking a sesame seed from his front teeth.  When a baby smiles at you, it is not happy to see you, it is farting.  Get over yourself.  The best indication of a woman’s interest in you is as simple as it is ontological:  if she smiles at you while she passes you by… SHE IS PASSING YOU BY!  Get it?  If she were interested in you, she would abort her initial trajectory and find some excuse to stick around.

By the time a woman is old enough for a romantic tryst, she is no doubt adept at signaling her intentions to even the most oblivious knucklehead.  You will have no cause for confusion.  If you are not certain, the answer is no.  Things like instant attraction rarely happen in real life, and when they do, they are the worst possible basis for a relationship.  For a woman to be attracted to you she will have to get to know you and then, for reasons of her own, overlook the obvious.

Blessings on your next encounter. Let me know when it gets serious.
Baba Rumcake

What is Your Compliment for Me?

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

January 24th, is Compliment Day. When it rolls around, what is your compliment for me, Baba Rumcake?

Frankie in Florida

Dear Fishing … ummm, Frankie,

Compliment; an expression of esteem, respect, affection, or admiration; especially : an admiring remark

Antonym: criticism.

Today is Compliment Day. So, if you are expecting a compliment, read another posting. If you want a compliment, then you have not understood, the idea of this day nor, do you deserve a good word, now, or ever.

Most people, who wait, until they are fed, from the cesspool, of compliments, to accomplish anything, amount to nothing. No one here will pat you on the back, nor will tell you how great you are, no one.

Waiting for compliments, usually comes from those, worthless people who want the hot spot, want the lime light. With a good word, they can progress, produce but usually, with minimal results. Attaining comes from the inside, so get off your attention whoring self and work out a plan.

This day is about others. You, giving a compliment, to another. Do not do it, then wait around for them, to reciprocate, that defeats the purpose. Walk away, go to another, and, give them a compliment. Even if you do not mean it, say it. It will help your selfish, self centered ass, back into a more appealing person.

If you follow this simple rule, of coming out, and actually giving someone a compliment, you will notice beautiful things about others, you have missed while busy admiring yourself.

So, if you find this criticism, fault finding, knock, slam, put down too hard a pill to swallow, get over it.

Blessings, on this Compliment Day. Let me know how it works out for you.

Disheartened in Duluth

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

i just want someone to trust and love
who trusts me and loves me right back
i want the “us” to be the starting point, from which all the fun and adventure begins
i would love to travel with him, and camp, and listen to music under stars, and cook and renovate and decorate.

but he is married to his demons.

Disheartened in Duluth

Dear Disheartened,

Ummm, time to call in the Exorcist! If that person has demons, RUN! Get away from him, immediately, letting him simmer in his own miserable demonic marriage.
You will get caught up in the nonsense, if you do not get away while you can.

On the other hand, if you decide to stay, there is lots to deal with. To begin with:

  1. Stay above it all, or his demonic possession will drag you down.
  2. NEVER, EVER engage in discussions about the ‘demons’.
  3. Do not advise on the issues.
  4. If you get married, you will inherit those problems, don’t do it.

Blessings! I hope it all works out for you. Let me know.

Baba Rumcake

Disgruntled in Dallas

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

I know a friend who is newly married and turning into a pretentious asshat who is losing contact with all his friends. I want to say that when stuff like this happens, the relationship is the one that will usually end–and likey badly. But for now he is I guess going strong with her–spending all his time with her or just home. I really cant believe the person he’s become.

what do you think?

Disgruntled in Dallas

Dear Disgruntled,

Isn’t this when you’re supposed to pull out the “bros before hoes” card? Not that I support the slandering of women and blah dee blah, but the phrase represents the common phenomenon that you are now experiencing with your friend. In the early stages of many relationships, the couple gets so wrapped up in each other that they forget that there are other people involved in their lives. Most couples with this problem get over it, but unfortunately, sometimes by that point their friends are no longer waiting for their return from heaven. This issue is one of the concerns you voiced.

If you are worried this much, it is probably time for you to give your friend an intervention. Sit him down and let him know how you feel. Tell him that if he doesn’t stop acting like an infatuated puppy, he will lose his friendship with you and others. Ask him if he is willing to risk all of his well-established friendships on this new girl of his. Is that really worth it to him? At that point, the decision is his. If he snaps out of his funk and gives a little TLC to your friendship, great. If not, maybe he isn’t worth your time after all.

Blessing and Best of Luck with that Intervention,

Baba Rumcake

Sultry in Seattl

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

I’m in my first year at Seattle University.  I’ve made a great group of friends with the people in my dorm and me and this one guy have been hooking up for a while now.  I think I want us to be more than just friends with benefits, but I think we’re both hesitant about what may happen if things go sour, living in the same building and all.  All of our friends know we’ve been hooking up and they all think we should be together, but neither of us have the balls to bring up the conversation. I just want to know that he feels the same way I do, but I don’t know how to bring it up without it being awkward.  What should I do??
SultryinSeattl

Dear SultryinSeattl

Since you are in college, I will assume, that, you have a measure of intelligence. You are correct in thinking that things would be awkward, if, you have problems, with this guy, especially, since you live in the same building.

Before I suggest what you should do, let me ask why you want to take this to the next level? Why in the world do you want a permanent, or “more” as you called it? You are having fun in Seattle, I am sure. College is a new experience. Your life is fun, sounds like. Why screw it up?! You have a good thing. A good friend and lover and you get along.

One of the worst things women do, is always quantify and qualify relationships. You want to put him in a corner and make him tell you that this is it, you are the love of his life. Women do this to their detriment.

Are you really ready for a commitment of that magnitude? I am sure the answer is no. So, why ask him to make it. If your relationship is going to work out, it will work out without analysis or pushing from you.

Have fun and keep this guy around for as long as it will last. You sound smart and reasonable.

Now, if you do not want to listen to any of the above, here is the other thing you can do; ask him. Come outright and ask the poor schlep, and see if he does not run into the hills screaming. Most men cannot handle this type of question. He would not be bad or mean, he is just a man.

Blessings this day, on your Sultriness. Let me know how it works out.
Baba Rumcake