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Tempted in Tampa

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

To divorce or not divorce …that is the question.

I am at the point where I think a sweet affair would be the momentary lovely balm to the sunburn. I am out here for one special woman… perhaps in a similar circumstance… if only to write about things… first…
What do you think?
Tempted in Tampa

Dear Tempted,
You may end up with blood poisoning, after, that “momentary lovely balm to the sunburn”.

You know the old adage from the Baptists, Dancing leads to sex. Well, in this case, writing, leads to meeting; then meeting leads to screwing. Now we are talking, serious involvement.

Be aware, that you might get, what you are looking for out there. Including, but not limited to, horrible diseases and crooks.

If you start another relationship, before trying to fix this one, you will end up in the same rut again. Nothing new there.

Once you allow yourself the possibility of cheating, you will cheat. If losing the woman you are married to, is not a problem, then by all means, go for it. If it is an issue, stay off that course.

Blessings and may the burn reach where you cannot itch.

Baba Rumcake

Facebook Mom in Ft. Lauderdale

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

My daughter is complaining, because I am insisting, that she “friend” me on FB. I pay her college tuition and her bills. What should I do?

Facebook Mom in Ft. Lauderdale

Dear Facebook Mom(s),

As Peanut, from Jeff Dunham, said, “Holy crap! Help me out! Help me out!”

Back off! That is the first thing I would suggest to you. Back the hello off!

FB is a Social Network; not a Spy Network.
Make your own damn friends. Let your daughter be. Let her grow up and have her own friends, her own age. FB is not for you to observe your daughter, it is for her to have fun.

If your mother was on Facebook, with you, when you were younger, it would have been, a sore wound. Remember when you were young? I could not imagine, that you would have appreciated her, following every silly thing you said, having the opportunity, to comment on it, too.

You probably remind her to eat her vegetables. Or why she had not called you, or if she remembered, to pick up her room, yuck! Anything, you could come up with; in your interest, to keep tabs on her, on Facebook.

After 18, even if parents, are paying the bills in college, there should be a law, banning them, from Facebook. Just kidding, relax! No matter what we say, we are never the same with our mothers. There is a need to be good and wonderful. But, if your offspring, wants to get down to it, do what she wants to do, and be bad, you, will be watching on FB. Sheeeesh! That’s not happening.

Do not take it personally. Sometimes, we ban someone from our environment because they hate people we associate with, also. I have done that.

Nothing is more degrading or annoying than a parent who reminds their child of every little thing they do for them. Do you want a medal for taking care of her bills? It is your responsibility to take care of your child,  in any manner you choose. Do not complain about it, just stop doing it. Or, stop complaining, and be responsible.

Lastly, have your own friends. You’re a big girl, get on with your life and let your daughter live hers.

Blessings on backing off. Let me know if it works out.

Baba Rumcake

Confused PDA Fan

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

is it strange when guys are really into PDA?

Confused PDA Fan

Dear PDA Fan,

If by “really” you mean tearing someone’s clothes off on a busy street corner, frenching during a family get together, or bumping uglies on a crowded bus, you may have a bit of a problem. If by “really” you mean holding hands on a walk, kissing in the corner at a party, or giving your lover a neck massage while with a group of friends, that might be considered more socially acceptable.

The other factor depends entirely on the object of your PDA. Is he or she ok with your displays? If so, and you are both comfortable with the degree of publicity, then screw anyone else who might have a problem. If he or she is not as big of a fan of PDA, then your attempts may end up pushing your partner away. You may have to discuss and establish a mutual boundary.

If you are concerned about what other people think, maybe you aren’t as big of a fan of PDA as you think. The whole point of PDA is being ready and willing to show the world how you feel about someone. There will always be anal conservatives who get grossed-out by PDA. Either you care what they think, or you don’t. You have to decide what you are comfortable with.

Blessings and all the best displaying some affection,

Baba Rumcake

Debunked in Danbury

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

When a woman passes by you and gives you a smile while passing by, how do you know she’s just being friendly or is romantically interested in me? Are there any indicators either way?

Debunked in Danbury

Dear DD,

Assume that she is not romantically interested in you.  Unless you are a rock star, sports star, or celebrity, she is probably grimacing at the thought that you might speak to her as you cross in the night. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?  No one is going to be attracted to you from a 3-second glance.  That is not a smile, it is a rictus of discomfort.

There are approximately 43 reasons why one person smiles at another.  You make her nervous.  He thinks you are stupid.  She can’t think of anything to say.  He is sucking a sesame seed from his front teeth.  When a baby smiles at you, it is not happy to see you, it is farting.  Get over yourself.  The best indication of a woman’s interest in you is as simple as it is ontological:  if she smiles at you while she passes you by… SHE IS PASSING YOU BY!  Get it?  If she were interested in you, she would abort her initial trajectory and find some excuse to stick around.

By the time a woman is old enough for a romantic tryst, she is no doubt adept at signaling her intentions to even the most oblivious knucklehead.  You will have no cause for confusion.  If you are not certain, the answer is no.  Things like instant attraction rarely happen in real life, and when they do, they are the worst possible basis for a relationship.  For a woman to be attracted to you she will have to get to know you and then, for reasons of her own, overlook the obvious.

Blessings on your next encounter. Let me know when it gets serious.
Baba Rumcake

Disheartened in Duluth

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

i just want someone to trust and love
who trusts me and loves me right back
i want the “us” to be the starting point, from which all the fun and adventure begins
i would love to travel with him, and camp, and listen to music under stars, and cook and renovate and decorate.

but he is married to his demons.

Disheartened in Duluth

Dear Disheartened,

Ummm, time to call in the Exorcist! If that person has demons, RUN! Get away from him, immediately, letting him simmer in his own miserable demonic marriage.
You will get caught up in the nonsense, if you do not get away while you can.

On the other hand, if you decide to stay, there is lots to deal with. To begin with:

  1. Stay above it all, or his demonic possession will drag you down.
  2. NEVER, EVER engage in discussions about the ‘demons’.
  3. Do not advise on the issues.
  4. If you get married, you will inherit those problems, don’t do it.

Blessings! I hope it all works out for you. Let me know.

Baba Rumcake