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Baba Rumcake

Okay, So You’re Not Cool

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

I just want to be cool. I mean really cool.
Like, just look f***ing cool, say cool s**t, have people think I’m cool, to be flat out cool.
Style, taste, detached cool vibe…
But I’m not. What should I do?

UnCool in Utah

Dear UnCool,

I am not sure what the definition of cool is in your world. Where you come from, do your loser people find you uncool also. Did it take you long to get to earth? Welcome!

If you mean by cool, like James Dean, oh, sorry you probably don’t even know, who James Dean is. Let’s try again! If you want to be cool like LJCool or some rapper person, go for it. Dress up and be phat. Do your thing and be funky.

Waste some time looking at magazines, finding that look that you want. Then, go out and waste money on the look that will make you feel cool. Be like Eminem or Lil Wayne. Cool indeed! Like Justin Bieber!

On the other hand, one is either cool or not. I am not sure that this approach or any approach will make you awesome, the way you mean. It’s alright to be a loser if you know that you are not hip. Cool is a state of mind. No amount of dress will make you un-geeky. You will only look like a pillock.

Cool is an attitude! By thinking that there is a way to behave, you are already losing the battle. Cool is inside. Cool is the knowledge that you know who you are, inside.

You sound to me like you want to be anyone but yourself. You have this silly image of coolness, and you want to force feed yourself that persona.

Maybe when they come, in the ship, to take you back home, you can get over this obsession with coolness and be your weird self.

God bless on your silly obsession,
Baba Rumcake

Do You Love Me or Are You Unhappy?

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Dear Baba Rumcake,
Would you have a relationship with someone if you believed they would be unhappy with you?
If you love them and want them, but you think they’d be happier if you didn’t have a relationship with them…would you do it anyway?

Despondent in Danville

Dear Despondent,

There is an older funny movie with Bruce Willis and lovely Kim Bassinger, I suggest you see that flick. It will explain some of your questions.

On the other hand, it sounds to me like you are a selfish, self centered halfwit. If you think that this ploy will continue forever, you are mistaken. If you get what you want, it will be a disaster in the future. You will possess what you want, temporarily, but it will blow up in your face, causing caustic abrasions to your soul and hers.

Why in the world would you want to be with someone who would be unhappy with you. What kind of low life are you? What happened to knowing yourself and finding the person who finds you irresistible.

Only a cretin would go down that road of keeping someone with them that they know could be happier elsewhere. Only an imbecile would think that this would work long term.

Assuming that you are none of those things, just let her go and have a life of your own.

Blessings on your unselfish, good judgment,
Baba Rumcake

Lonely, Room Mate Wanted?

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

Not sure if you have lived on your own for awhile? No roommates, no bf/gfs. just on your own. Did you enjoy it? Were you happier when you found someone to move in with you? Did you get lonely often?

Lonesome in Lancaster

Dear LiL,

These questions are all very relative. The answers depend a great deal on the individual. If you are a social animal, as many of us are, living alone can feel like a prison sentence. However, there are also many people out there who embrace the peace and quiet of solitary living.

Being a particularly social person does not necessarily correspond to being a good candidate for living with other people either. The more particular you are about your habits and routines (Are you OCD?), the more difficult it may be for you to adapt and compromise to the tendencies of someone else sharing your living space.

People are odd, nasty, and selfish. Granted, you may luck out and be odd, nasty, and selfish in complementary ways. The chances of that lovely coincidence occurring for you, in truth, are dismal. That is why tolerance is arguably the most crucial aspect of your shared-living capacity.

If you are an extremely tolerant person who is immune to the vexations that accompany any other person you will try to live with, than you will have a much better chance at success. Keep in mind, every one of your senses is vulnerable to abrasion. Stinky people with ugly secrets, uncomfortable conditions, and loud habits leave a bad taste in your mouth.

The things that make people unbearable to live with are usually the things that you don’t realize until you are living with them. You may think living with your best friend or lover would be like a honeymoon in paradise. I hate to break it to you, but even they get stinky, ugly, abrasive, and noisy just as much as the nastiest most obnoxious people you could imagine.

Best friend in the whole wide world of yesterday becomes roommate today and becomes worst enemy tomorrow. Dearest beloved of yesterday moves in today and becomes your most woeful and regretted mistake tomorrow.

Nothing is set in stone, though, not even my weekday afternoon pessimism. You could have great experiences living with other people. If you are feeling lonely and yearn for the company of a friend or significant other, try it out. You may find that it is the missing link to your long-desired happiness.

The one bit of advice that I would beg of you to consider is DO NOT lose someone close to you because you are incompatible living together. Be very careful who you decide to conduct this experiment with.

I wish you all the company you can happily handle!

Blessings on your sharing venture. Let me know how it works out.
Baba Rumcake

The Big D, File or Not File?

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Dear Baba Rumcake,
Moved out a year ago. I am paralyzed in trying to make a decision to file. I can’t even use the word. What do I do?
Indecisive in Independence

Dear Indecisive,
If you moved out of the schmuck’s house, I assume, he is not worth keeping. You made the first move now take the next step and set yourself free.

If I don’t wear something for six months, I give it away, throw it out or sell it. A year is a long time, to hang on to something that is way past its use.

Take the proverbial, thumb out of your mouth, and do the thing that needs to be done. No one else will do it for you. Cut the apron strings, cut up rough and get a move on!

There is no cause for waffling here. If you want to go back, do it. If you want to stay out, then file the papers and move on with the next phase of your uncertain life.

Healing will come; after closure.

Blessings on your reluctant self this day. Let me know how you do.

Baba Rumcake

Alone should not mean lonely!

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Dear Baba Rumcake,

Hi! How does one get past the lonely feelings?
Divorced Dan in Durham

Dear Divorced,
You can be alone, but not lonely.You need to learn to be by yourself. Your question implies that you have not learned to be by yourself, for any length of time.

Learning to be alone is an art, worth exploring. Join a Yoga group. Learn to meditate. Join a singles club. Get out, have coffee and engage with strangers.

People who cannot be alone, generally, do not like themselves. When you like someone, you spend time with them. You need to learn to like who you are. If there are things you do not like about yourself, this is the time to explore them and make the necessary changes. Consider this the transition time, for meeting the woman of your future.

You will survive. But that is not enough. You need to learn to partake of life. Get out there and live.

Blessings on your alone days. Let me know how it goes.
Baba Rumcake